Ima

Sunday, March 2, 2008

The Invisible Mom

I'm Invisible
By Nicole Johnson

It started to happen gradually. One day I was walking my son Jake to school. I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, "Who is that with you, young fella?" "Nobody," he shrugged."Nobody?" The crossing guard and I laughed. My son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought, "Oh my goodness, nobody?"I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say something to my family - like "Turn the TV down, please" - and nothing would happen. Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote. I would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little louder, "Would someone turn the TV down?" Nothing. Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We'd been there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, "I'm ready to go when you are." He just kept right on talking.That's when I started to put all the pieces together. I don't think he can see me. I don't think anyone can see me. I'm invisible. It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.' I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Ok, I know, and I'm sorry!

I feel so bad that it has been since October since I have updated the blog. I know that it looks totally silly that Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas are all in January's posting. But I have updated things and now I will try to update more often. Life is so busy with two little ones. With Doctors appointments, MOPS, Bible Study, Small Group, and now I am contributing time and putting together a Wellness Program for LifeCare Christian Center, I am surprised I still have my sanity.

Michael and I recently finished the Crown Ministries Financial Small Group. We found it very helpful and it went into things a lot deeper, like dealing with money and how God wants you to use, save and give your money. Michael will be going into things a little deeper now. He will be apart of a Small Group at NorthRidge called Financial Freedom. Michael is still at the Dearborn Plant for Ford Motor Company. Things are going well and it is just work as always.

Ethan and Haylie are healthy and growing. I have never seen two kids eat so much food! They eat a lot! We are going to have to take out a loan just to feed them! We often have play dates with friends. Haylie has a friend named Hayley too. We love to have play dates with the Gerwings. Heather and I are great friends, we even have Bible Study together.
Haylie is talking and saying a lot these days. She is putting sentences together and making her mark in the world! She is quite the firecracker! She will be turning 2 at the beginning of April. WOW time flies!

Ethan is crawling, pulling up on everything and he just started cruising a few weeks ago. His personality is poking through a bit, but mostly he just always wants food! What can I say he is a growing boy! He will be turning 1 at the end of March. Soon he won't be a baby anymore!

I am doing my first Beth Moore Study and I am loving it! She is such and inspiring woman of God! I enjoy every moment I spend in my group and doing the homework for the study, and I usually don't do well with homework type things, but this is great! I also started MOPS for the first time in September last year. It is so great! I love all the woman at my table. We always have great conversation and we are really there for each other. Thanks MOPS moms!
My sister-in-law Val is always there to listen! Thanks Val for always being there for me! She is a great friend!

Life is good, God is even better!